What do I want to talk about (LinkedIn asks when I initiate a post)? Check-ins at group meetings! I have a pet peeve about checkins - They go on too long. I am a great fan of check-ins, love them for how they connect people on a personal and emotional level - and they always seem to go off the rails in terms of setting time limits per-person. Especially checkins as part of a colleague gathering where people go deeply personal. The moderator never fails to set a time limit of 1-2 minutes (because, after all, there is more to the agenda), and participants never fail to double or treble that amount of time.
I have been reading Priya Parker’s book, “The Art of Gathering” and her advice has been at the top of my mind during recent meetings. One of her bits of advice is to not be a “Chill Host” (or moderator) (even at the risk of alienating some participants). Keep control of your gathering, keep it focused on its purpose, or someone else (or someones) will hijack it. To Priya, the gathering itself, and its success, is more important than any one person in it.
People do need time to connect with their peers and when someone is in the middle of a deeply personal sharing, it feels unkind (and uncomfortable as moderator) to cut them off. Yes and…. Priya’s main, and compelling, point is that it is more unkind (and disrespectful) to everyone else, to the other participants who are awaiting their turn. If there is a limited amount of time set for the exercise some people may not get to share, or their time will be curtailed by the people who hogged the ‘mic.’
This happened in a recent Zoom gathering of colleagues. The gathering’s purpose was to allow us to connect with colleagues we haven’t seen in a while. It was scheduled for an hour and the check in was the entire gathering. People took twice as much (and more) time as was allowed and our moderator (understandably) did not want to cut anyone off. To me it became an example of individuals being more important than the group and therefore the gathering not serving its people.
The gathering did not feel cohesive, people’s attention wandered, several people had to leave when the hour was up, and ultimately the gathering, for that reason, did not feel successful.
Face it, not everything that everyone shares is interesting or compelling to everyone; so to go on and on sucks the life out of the gathering. Everybody can deal with 1-2 minutes of sharing. People will be forced not to ramble, to choose the most important (to them) points to make, and to practice that most wonderful leadership quality - succinctness.
It is not my intention to criticize my colleagues because I have run my share of runaway gatherings. It’s just that after reading Priya’s book, I have, going forward, a passionate and clear interest in, as well as respect, excitement and the desire for, conducting successful gatherings.
#gatherings #Priyaparker #meetings #leadership #connections
