A Doorman’s Presence

 

 

 

A Doorman’s Presence

 

I teach Presence (www.chiwiz.com); specifically Leadership Presence. I have been doing this for more than 20 years for The Ariel Group (www.arielgroup.com). In every class we define Presence as, “The Ability to Connect Authentically with the Hearts and Minds of Others.” We bend our focus on Presence towards its impact on leadership. More on that in a bit.

A point I always make is that you don’t have to be a leader to have Presence. Everyone has Presence. You ARE Presence, by virtue of the fact that you exist. Presence is your “You-ness,” your authentic ‘Self.’  How much that Presence blossoms, shines, radiates, is noticed, depends on many things, all learnable skills: confidence, relaxation, being present, how you stand, gesture and move, your eye contact, the quality of your voice, even your breathing.

One of the best examples of someone with great Presence and nothing to do with leadership, is a doorman I encountered years ago. I was about to teach a class on Presence to a group of consultants at Oliver Wyman. I like to arrive very early to my teaching site in order to set up the room. I use old school flip charts rather than Powerpoint and it takes about an hour to set things up.

I arrive on the first morning at the OW headquarters at 1166 Avenue of the Americas in NYC, before 7am. I am greeted by a doorman who is already on the job and opens the door for me. I am not used to doormen at the front entrance to a skyscraper office building, and I am not at all certain that this man is even an actual employee of the building. However, he greets me with such a smiling hello and warm regard, such a genuine concern for me as a person, such a joy for being of service to me (by the simple act of holding the door open), that I am stunned into immobility. 

This is not your random door opener. Even professional door openers at ritzy hotels have nothing on this guy. He opens the door for me as if it were the best job in the world and that I have somehow made his day by arriving at his door!  For this brief moment in time, I am the only person in the world to him and I feel it.

He is so HERE and so tickled at being here, that my mind freezes. All the thoughts of getting through security, wondering if my room will be open for me, how long I have to wait before I can get access, all the random thoughts that go through my head at any given moment, just kind of dissolve in the light of his Presence that I stop in my tracks. 

I am ‘Real’ for this person, he sees me, he is available, and, as the Vietnamese zen Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh says, he is giving me “the gift of his attention.” I stop too and become available to him. I look him in the eye, smile and thank him. Two human Beings, connecting authentically with hearts and minds in the only place that actually exists - the present. Just a brief, but a Real, moment, a mutual acknowledgement of each other’s Presence, Being-ness, humanity.

That encounter is so momentous to me that I ignore the clock and sit in the lobby of the building to watch him greet others as they come through the door. To this man they are all the only person in the world for him as he greets them. Some see it and some do not. Some are obviously ‘repeat’ customers, coming to work every morning. Some of these make what is obviously a delightful daily connection with him. Others just nod, already into their agendas for the day. I can always tell the newcomers who, like me, get stunned into Presence by the doorman’s gentle, genuine, enthusiastic greeting. It’s fun to watch startled people waking up to the moment and the opportunity to connect.

Then comes the topper! I see two Buddhist monks in traditional Tibetan robes walking down the street. It is obvious that their paths are going to cross with the doorman. I am almost giddy with expectation as to how this encounter will shake out. I mean, the monks, that’s their JOB right, being present?

I am already going to have a late start getting my room ready but this is too delicious to pass up. The monks are deeply engaged in conversation with each other as they approach the doorman. He is outside the front doors waiting for people to come in. He sees the monks and with a huge smile he steps towards them, like a beaming Buddha descending from the sky, says a loud cheerful “Good Morning” and bows.

The monks are startled from their conversations and look up with the same slightly stunned shock I recognize from my own encounter. Monks are human. They had been so engrossed in their conversations that they too were not present. There is this little frozen moment all the way around, two startled faces looking at a beaming one. Then the monks also break into huge smiles and laughter, performing multiple bows and greetings to the doorman - tacit and humble recognition at being caught out (Not that that was at all the doorman’s purpose) with genuine pleasure at being reminded of Reality from an unexpected source. Three smiling, beaming, laughing beings bowing over and over to each other in simple mutual acknowledgement of each other’s Being-ness.

That doorman is the true zen master in that moment, and the monks acknowledge it with humility and playfulness. That is pure Presence with no thought towards influencing or leading. And yet it is the very same Presence great leaders project when making themselves available, when giving the gift of their attention, to either one person they greet in an elevator or to five hundred people in a crowded auditorium.

T'ai Chi as self defense

T'ai Chi As Self Defense

Not what we normally think of as self defense, avoiding physical blows, subduing an opponent, or escaping physical harm in a combat situation.

How often do we actually encounter the necessity for that kind of self defense? And, how often we encounter the following situations where a different understanding of 'self-defense' may come into play?:

Getting out of the bathtub; not slipping on ice; walking on ice; Getting up too fast from bed; a driver who cuts in front of you; being late for an appointment while stuck in traffic; standing in front of a large audience about to make a presentation; having the unexpected happen while making a presentation; being asked a difficult question at a job interview; having your flight cancelled; A job cancelled by your client at the last moment; or any of what I call, "Freeze" moments, when the tendency is to contract, to go into 'Fight or Flight' mode (Which is actually, "Freeze, Flight, Fight" since that is the order in which an animal responds to a threat, which is why I call it 'Freeze' mode).

A practice in T'ai Chi can help with any 'Freeze' situation. The way to break a freeze is to move - literally, just move, as simple as that. The simplest form of movement is breath. We hold our breath when threatened, whether it's a saber toothed tiger or an irate boss. When you hold your breath it's almost impossible to be creative in your actions, or indeed, to act at all. The key is to move. Breath is movement, actually moving the body, a stretch or gesture or step is also movement. That will break the freeze and allow your brain to function once again.

The solution to a freeze moment is simple - move. What is not simple is the ability to recognize that you are in a freeze, that you are holding your breath, that you are contracted. That is where T'ai Chi and other meditative practices come in handy. T'ai Chi is my 50 year preference because it is all about movement, it is often referred to as 'Meditation in Motion.' The practice of T'ai Chi trains you in balance (Mental and emotional as well as Physical balance). This is well known. What is generally not reflected upon is that this practice also trains you in the ability to recognize being out of balance, which is just as valuable a skill. It doesn't train you in how to solve the situation that has caused the imbalance, it doesn't provide you with the creative solution; but by moving, you put yourself, your physical, mental and emotional states, into a position where you are much more likely to come up with a solution. 

My T'ai Chi teacher, T.T. Liang used to call our unbalanced positions in class, "Ready to be beaten." How does T'ai Chi re-move you from the "Ready to be Beaten" state into an equilibium that allows for solutions? Where does it 'move' you to?

It 'moves' you to the Present, the Now, the only place from which action is possible and the only place in which solutions can appear. In "The Heart Aroused," the poet David Whyte does a brilliant analysis of Beowulf that makes this precise point. Beowulf defeats Grendel's mother only by being present enough to see the sword on the wall (there all along but unnoticed until Beowulf relaxed), and then applying it to the monster's neck! A worthwhile read.

So, T'ai Chi is about learning balance, being centered and grounded, being calm and moving from the center. These are what you train in as you practice. The wonderful side benefit is the ability to feel when those conditions are not present, and how to restore them by moving and breathing.

Happy practicing!

Free T'ai Chi! Happy New Year!

FREE ON-GOING TAI CHI CLASS

Begins Monday, Jan 20th    -    Mondays 6:00-7:30pm   

In our beautiful new studio at 110 Ward Hill Road, Phillipston, MA

I have recently been inspired by two things in my life, one recent and the other of more than 40 years ago, to offer some sort of service to the world I move in:  

Recently by my connection with the Indian Guru Amma Chi; the other in 1971 when I was a founding member of the Boston Repertory theatre where we offered free performances. That continues to be one the most memorable and rewarding experiences in my life.

The connection..........

I have often found myself in disagreement with the exorbitant amount of money some T’ai Chi masters charge for their teachings. 

THEREFORE.......

it feels absolutely appropriate and rewarding to me to offer ongoing free T'ai Chi classes for those who want to learn this art. I will freely teach and share everything I have learned from all my esteemed teachers in this class.

I will not be advertising the class in any other way than by word of mouth, so PLEASE pass this on to your friends especially if you live in Central Mass.

Instructor: David Zucker. 

Training: 41 years of experience having studied with a wide variety of masters during that time, including T.T. Liang, John Chung Li, Peter Ralston,  Kumar Frantzis, William C.C. Chen, and Alan Shapiro. 

Teaching: 35 years of teaching thousands of students at many different locations: Interface; New Age Expos; Boston Center for Adult Ed;  Skyros Institute, Greece; Ferry Beach and privately in Boston, Watertown, Belmont, Waltham, and Concord, MA.  I also created the T'ai Chi program for Harvard Pilgrim Health and taught it for many years, employing at one time up to five additional instructors in the Harvard Pilgrim network.

The Fine Print: 

1. Class size limited to the number who can comfortably fit in my home studio (about 10 people). Phillipston isn’t exactly the center of the world, so travel may limit your decision.
2. Donation: You will be expected to make a donation. It is my intention to offer the class for free, but that is more for my benefit than yours, as strange as that might seem (maybe not). For your benefit, however, things are often not valued unless there is some sort of ‘cost’ to the student. I have several ideas on how to establish that cost, one of which is to ask you to make a donation after each class. It should be something you are absolutely comfortable with. I make no judgements on the amount and will make it a point to not know who is giving what. If you truly feel you can afford nothing, then the class will be free in that way to you.
3. Practice: You agree to practice everyday.  T’ai Chi is an art that is impossible to learn without practice. It is possible, for comparison, to get some benefit out of a yoga class if you only practice during the class. It is not possible to approach T’ai Chi that way for the very simple reason that there is too much memory involved, and the memory involvement gets more progressive with every passing week (perhaps a good anti-Alzheimers’ exercise). The good news: You are only required to practice a minimum of one minute a day to fulfill the requirement, but you MUST put at least that one minute into it.
4. Participation:  You are encouraged to sign up and be expected to come to class. I am not expecting hordes of people to descend on Phillipston, so I am initially allowing drop-ins; but people who have signed up for the class will have preference if, for example, 15 people show up some Monday for a space that only holds 10. 
5. Flexibility: My work sometimes calls me to travel. There will be no class on the Mondays when I have to be away. There will be plenty of advance notice of these dates. I will notify you via email of these cancellations (another reason to sign up rather than drop in). My experience is that this will happen less than once a month.

Cardinal or Can of Coke?

I am playing T'ai Chi outside at Harvard Business school yesterday early morning (before teaching a class there - yes, on a Saturday!), and I see a cardinal (bird, not prelate) flying around. Every now and then I see him as I turn, catch him out of the corner of my eye; but also every now and then I would think I see him only to find that my attention has been caught by a red Coke Can that someone has discarded on the lawn. 

It is obvious that my mind is projecting a cardinal when I am really looking at a Coke can. The cardinal is in my mind. The not-so-obvious and even profound thing that occurs to me is that I am probably not seeing the cardinal EVEN WHEN I AM ACTUALLY LOOKING AT THE CARDINAL, that I am seeing the SAME projection of a cardinal that my mind furnishes when I look at the red Coke can. 

Suddenly everything shifts and I start SEEING what I am looking at, without filter or expectation. The remainder of my T'ai Chi workout is pretty sweet. The lesson is deep and memorable.

It is pretty good indication that whenever I look at something I don't actually see what is there. I usually see what I expect to see from my past experience of the thing - my mind furnishing the image from its' memory banks that most closely corresponds to the thing I think I am seeing. When that thing actually is a cardinal it is almost impossible to notice that I am really seeing a projection rather than the real thing. When the cardinal is a Coke can, the phenomenon is much more obvious - (thank you Coke Can for the lesson!).

I am an iPhone, not a mainframe computer!

Scientists have used computers as metaphors for the human experience for almost as many years as computers have been around, so let me extend the metaphor:

Looking at my new iPhone I realized that I am more like that than I am like a desktop or mainframe computer.

I have a running conversation with a good friend of mine about the existence or non-existence of 'God.' He is an Atheist and I am a believer. But I am a believer who admits that my belief is just a belief - I could be right or wrong.

What I realize though, is that my belief is really not about whether or not God exists, but about there being more to life than what most of us see as 'reality'. I am pretty convinced that what passes for reality is mostly illusion, smoke and mirrors, ...... theatre! (Hence the Title of my blog: "Looking Backstage in Life")

I am pretty convinced, through my own experiences, that "I" is more than my mind, emotions, or body; and that "I" continues after 'death.'

From my experiences and from reading about Quantum Physics I have come up with an extension of the computer metaphor.  "I" is more like my iPhone than my old non-cloud-connected desktop computer. Most people think that consciousness resides in, and is generated by, the brain. I think that Consciousness ('God') exists 'outside' the brain, in the 'Cloud' and that my brain is a transmitter, or focuser, of Consciousness, much like my iphone brings the content of the web/cloud to me, but the web/cloud does not reside on my iphone.

If my iphone (mind, emotions, body) breaks ('God' forbid!), then I just get a new one and download the content from the cloud/web - no loss of 'Me.'  Now, just as with my iphone, there is some content stored on the device of my mind/body/feelings, and that content probably does get lost when I die. I liken that to my personality in this particular incarnation. As Alzheimers shows, the personality IS destructible, when memory goes - identity goes too. As Thornton Wilder says in Our Town, "What's left? What's left when memory's gone, and your identity Mrs. Smith?"

So, my grand purpose in this particular lifetime is to make sure that the "I" I identify with is NOT the personality but the larger, indestructible, eternal, evernow "I" of Consciousness.

That is the purpose of meditation, T'ai Chi, Yoga, zen, and all real spiritual practices. It was the purpose of the founders of the world's religions before those religions got corrupted by ignorant followers. Every great religious figure saw into Truth, saw the distinction between the temporal and the eternal and tried, with the metaphors available to them at the time, to point the way to Truth.

I also do not think such an idea is unprovable or lacks evidence. I believe science and mysticism are getting closer and closer - that if such a concept is 'true' then at some point it will be provable and evidence will be discovered. Until that time it will remain a belief for me, but a belief backed up by personal experience, and one that makes a whole lot more common sense to me than the belief that our "I" is just an amalgamation of memory, mind, and body.

Pursue The Ordinary

I don't know if is the fact that I am in spiritual India, or the jet-lag, but I woke at 2am this morning feeling the desire to do T'ai chi. I spent the next extraordinary three hours with T'ai Chi, Standing meditation and just general "Being" This is what came to me as an experience:

If you want to find the extraordinary - pursue the ordinary. The extraordinary exists only in the ordinary. If you pursue the extraordinary you will never find it because you are making a distinction between the experience you are having now and something that you think does not exist at this moment that you are calling, "The extraordinary."

The ordinary IS extraordinary.

Think about it: The extraordinary is experienced as something rare, one of a kind, special. OK then - that is the precise definition of the ordinary "Now." The ordinary, now, moment is rare, is one-of-a-kind, is special. It is these things because it is the ONLY moment that EVER exists - ALWAYS and forever - "World without end."

If you can pursue the ordinary so that you actually get to experience it unfiltered, raw, as-it-is, you will have a guaranteed extraordinary experience. And if you can let go of that so that you stay open to experiencing the very next ordinary moment, you will have another extraordinary experience. If you can let go of THAT one too so that you can fully experience the next ordinary moment as it appears, and the next, and the next, and the next, and........ Then you will have a never ending experience of the extraordinary "Now." You will have eternal life because the only thing eternal is the Now.

That is why I say, "The most transcendent enlightenment experience you have ever had cannot compare to the experience you are having right now." Right now is REAL.

It is ordinary because it never ends.
It is extraordinary because it is the only one there IS.

WOW! THIS is all there is. Nothing else exists. Existence IS "What is." "Right Now" IS what IS. Period. The fun, the play, the work, the game.... the ONLY thing really worth pursuing is the unfiltered experience of THIS moment.

Think of it: Everything else will end. Your children will leave you. Your wife or husband will leave you or you will leave them because eventually you will both die. You car will fall into disrepair. Your favorite shoes will fall apart. Your body will stop being able to do what it is used to. EVERYTHING is impermanent and ends...... EXCEPT right now.

What else is truly worth pursuing but that which is always new and never ends. Every sage who ever lived saw that. Jesus said (supposedly), "Behold, I maketh all things new." I don't think he was talking about himself. I think he was one with the Now moment (God) and having an unfiltered experience of the eternal Now, which indeed does make all things new.

Consistent Physically-Spiritual Practice vs. Anti-depressant Medication

Question: Are there any people who have a consistent (daily), physically spiritual practice (where breath work is involved, like yoga, and t'ai chi)  who also are on anti-depressant medication or long-time (years) therapy?

I am hoping to gather some data.  This is a question that is so obvious to me that I wonder why I have never thought to ask it before. 

I am sure there are plenty of people out there who have absolutely no spiritual practice and are also not on any medication -  bless those hearty souls. My interest is with those who are on such medication and have no physically spiritual practice - that it not only might be able to help them, but that it possibly, beyond the shadow of a doubt, would be able to help them.

My wonder is whether most depression (even the chemical/biological kind) can be treated by a practice which is a combination of these three things: 1) Daily, 2) Physical, 3) Spiritual.

Most of the people I know who have a daily physically spiritual practice are not on medication or seeing a therapist on a regular basis. But that is a small sample and I would love to hear other folk's experience around this.

There is something about arts that combine breath, meditation, and  movement that balance the mind/body. Even going so far as to regulate chemical balances within the body.

I also believe that yoga and t'ai chi connect you powerfully, feelingly, physically, experientially with a Reality that is....... well...... 'realer' than the so-called 'reality' of everyday life. A Reality beyond that which gives rise to depression, anxiety, and fear. Not that people who practice yoga and t'ai chi never get depressed (I get depressed, I get fearful, I get anxious), but that we have a way out; an anchor point, a touchstone, a grounding ---- an expansiveness that we can connect to that dispels the contractive states of mind of depression and fear.  Oftentimes if it is some simple, everyday gnarliness I am feeling I can dispel it just by remembering to breathe!

This is a non scientific poll. I am interested in hearing from health care professionals regarding their own experience in this matter as well as from people who are directly affected. So please feel free to get in touch with me. I promise confidentiality. I really want to know what people's experience is around this question. Feel free to forward this blog to people you know who might be able to add to my knowledge. I will report out here, afterwards, with what I find.

Thanks! Happy Playing.