I'd rather wash dishes and sweep the floor in deep sensual union with the Divine than rule the world from a place of separation.

Given the choice I'd rather wash dishes and sweep the floor in deep  sensual union with the Divine than rule the world from a place of separation.

 Everything that exists, exists right now and is available to me, but only to the degree that I am available to it. And I am available to it only to the extent that I Allow it.

But, how to do it? What does it mean to make yourself available and what does it feel like? There is nothing you can do to make this happen. To put it another way; Learning to Do Nothing is what it takes.
Doing Nothing ("Wu Wei" in Chinese). Making yourself available to the Now is the practice of constantly letting go of everything we do that removes us from the realization that we are already here. It involves the practice of Zen Master Seung Sahn’s, "Don't Know Mind," the constant practice of making non-sense.
This Doing has nothing to do with thinking; it is a feeling practice.

What it feels like is sensual and 'melty' to the point of being erotic.

It is a melting into God, nature, and the universe. It's a deep and profound letting go, as if I were allowing myself to fall backwards off a towering cliff without the slightest concern for my safety, knowing that I will be caught and sensually enveloped by the very essence of Love; yet still feeling the thrill of the plunge.

It's better than sex, and sex is pretty damn good.... it is sex in the sense of that most satisfying of sexual encounters: a melting into and a true Union with the Other. Little wonder then, that once experienced, it becomes a lifelong pursuit. What else is there, especially when this is a state that can be applied to, and enhances the quality of, every other activity? 
This is what you have to look forward to by practicing T'ai Chi. It is the highest form of T'ai Chi practice; Melty Merging with Life. Yummmm!

Surviving Dying

I have restarted working on the journal of a 100 Day, 1 hour each day, standing meditation practice I undertook in 1996.  I offer this excerpt for free:

I am like a kid with a new toy whenever I discover new images and concepts from other fields that I can apply to T'ai Chi. They always deepen my own practice and help me teach T'ai Chi to others; but it isn’t all that often now that I come across something that moves me so profoundly to another level of awareness in my practice of the art.  Stephen Levine’s book, “Who Dies?” came into my life at the perfect time to understand it, in the middle of my 100 days.

Ostensibly about dying, the book is really about living, and more specifically it is about expanding, expanding in a sense absolutely tailor-made for application to T'ai Chi principles. Levine writes about not contracting around the pain one feels in the body; that when we contract we narrow our focus and therefore our sense of identity to that which we are focusing on (i.e. we become our pain). When we expand we consequently widen our sense of ‘Self.’ The body and what it is experiencing are still a part of that wider self, but it no longer becomes the totality of who we are.

My experience with standing meditation speaks to the truth of what Levine says; it is a joyously liberating feeling to crack the mold of body-identity and to experience being a 'bigger' You. In terms of ‘dying’ It’s kind of like not putting all your eggs in the one basket of ‘body.’ Diversify and when something screws up one of your investments, your identity doesn’t take anywhere near as big a ‘hit’ as it would have were all your money in that one stock!

That’s the meaning of the bible verse about not laying up your treasure where thieves can break in and steal. The treasure is your sense of Self, what you identify with as ‘You.’ If you are your body or your job, your car or your clothes, your bank account or your social standing, or anything else perishable, then whenever those things perish, so will ‘you.’ It’s much better to diversify identity, and even better to identify ‘you’ with something that is eternal (Seek ye first the kingdom of God).

An "AHA" moment is.........

An "AHA" moment is not an "Aha" moment because I am discovering something new. It is an "Aha" moment because I knew it all the time, and  I am stunned by the sudden realization that I just hadn't been paying attention to it.

To put it another way: I did not 'Know' it consciously until something happened that lifted the lid off the Not-Knowing and allowed Knowing to bubble up.

Most of the time the thing that keeps the lid on not knowing something is the constant effort to Know; the dislike of, the not allowing of 'Not-Knowing.' We don't really like not knowing what we want to know or feel like we should know. 

I am perfectly OK with not knowing how to program a computer, or not knowing anything that I do not care to know. I am talking here about the things you care about knowing.  (Read Peter Ralston's amazing, "The Book of Not Knowing")

One of the things we all, as human beings, want to know is: What is Life? Why are we here? What's it all about Alfie?

And most of the time I am so concerned with trying to know what I do not know, that I forget to enjoy/allow the not-knowing.

I think that the Not-Knowing is something to be done away with, to be fixed, to be eradicated by coming to know, one by one, the things that I do not Know... until gradually all that Not-Knowing will be replaced by Knowing.

And, in my ignore-ance, I think that happiness lies in knowing things. Until I allow myself to not-know, to REALLY not-know; to Not-Know as a state of being; like being hungry or sad or happy or tired ......... AND it is the most meltingly, WONDER-FULL, WOWNDER-FULL  experience.  I have experienced a LOT of highs, both man-made and natural in my 62 years; Deep Not-Knowing is the real deal.

And, unlike man-made substances, it is available all the time.

Over and over again I wonder, after coming out of the Not-Knowing state, why we humans seem to be afraid of not-knowing what we want to know; why a large part of our energy is spent trying to appear knowing-full and avoiding looking like we don't know something. I see it alllllll the time in the corporate work I do. People rarely get promoted for not knowing things and consequently spend a lot of time pretending that they know a lot more than they actually know.

If you are pretending to know something that you do not know, then you are not being who you are.  You are actually pretending to be who you are not (Like the Emperor's New Clothes).  Being who you are is the key to 'getting' Life; to melting into God. A couple of quotes illustrating that point:

1) Luther D. Price said, "Be what you IS, not what you ain't. 'Cuz if you ain't what you IS, then you is what you ain't."

2) Shakespeare: This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

One last thing, because I dislike overly long blog posts,,,,

When I truly 'Don't Know' what Life is, Life reveals itself to me and I get a pass backstage.

This I have known.

T'ai Chi is touching your coffee cup the same way you would touch a lover.

I went to Skyros to teach; knowing full well - because it has happened every single time in the past 18 years I have been going - that I was really going there to learn. There are just too many goodies to share in one post - cuz I promised myself to keep them short - so the teachings will appear gradually over the next months or years. Briefly here, this post then - - - I really learned how to communicate the inner experience of T'ai Chi in such a way that absolute beginners can get an experience of what it feels like to be in such a state of complete allowing.

Try this. Yessir -  go ahead and touch your coffee cup - or anything you normally touch in a utilitarian manner during the day - in the same way that you touch your lover, in the same way that you caress your baby, or your cat, or anything you love.
We all know how to do this; we all know how to sensitize our fingers at will from 'coffee cup' mode to 'loved object' mode. You know how to sensitize your fingers and how to de-sensitize them depending on what it is you are touching. You don't even need to feel the feelings of tenderness or love. Just do it. Go ahead and stroke that cup or the steering wheel or the broom, or the laundry, with a 'loving' touch. Can you feel it? What happens? How do you do it? Welllll I'll bet you do it slowly----  with a lot more presence ---- paying attention ------with a softening.

Doesn't it feel gooood? Do you feel tingly and warm and melty inside? OK, now try doing T'ai Chi that way - with love-sensitive fingertips. Hey! Why stop there? Make your entire hand into fingertips! Make your arm, your torso, head, legs, ---- make that huge largest organ of your body (Skin, the skin I am talking of) into fingertips of sensitive touch. Yeah? See what that does for your T'ai Chi.

How to do it? How to transfer fingertip sensitivity to the entire body? That is exactly what the principles of T'ai Chi are all about: move slowly, breath slowly and deeply, relax, allow, become heavy, soften the gaze, extend the body open like a flower, soften, soften, soften

More to come.

I really should charge for this stuff.

You won't find it with many other T'ai Chi teachers. Fine to focus on healing or martial arts or circulating Chi; but the absolute highest purpose of T'ai Chi is to feel your way into bliss. Once you experience that, all the other reasons for doing T'ai Chi or any other exercise seem a bit like using a jet plane to go down the driveway to check the mailbox.

If you are going to use a jet plane, may as well have fun and make it a real trip!

Drip Dry - A Three Minute Standing Meditation

This is a good, short, fun standing meditation practice: Drip dry in the shower! When you finish your shower, turn off the water and just stand there in the basic beginning T'ai Chi position or the "Embrace the Tree" position if you want to try that.

Focus your attention on the water running off your body, all over your body, head to feet. It will take about three minutes before the drips really slow down to almost nothing.

Relax and sink your weight; keep your crown lifted; your tailbone slightly tucked in (pointing down vertically); knees unlocked; palms and fingers open and energized.

Then have fun and just melt with the water - that's all there is to it. Do it as long as you want; 1,2,3,4,5 minutes, whatever - keep it easy and light.

Let me know what you experience.

"The Last Station" - Tolstoy Movie

Seems like a synchronicitous moment to me - having read and been so moved by Tolstoy's short story "The Death of Ivan Ilyich" (see earlier Blog) and then seeing the recent movie about Tolstoy's life and the cult-like movement that grew up around him. The man definitely saw Backstage in Life, and through his writing he brought thousands of people with him on that little backstage tour. "Hey everybody - great show don't you think? How would you like a little tour backstage to meet some of the actors and see how we make all the scenery and special effects work?"

See the movie - read the short story - welcome backstage!

Want another treat? One of my favorite seeing-backstage-in-Life monologues - Edmund's speech from Eugene O'Neil's otherwise extreeeeemely depressing play: "Long Day's Journey Into Night."

"You've just told me some of the high spots in your memories. Want to hear mine? They're all connected to the sea. Here's one. When I was on the Squarehead square rigger, bound for Buenos Aires. Full moon in the trades. The old hooker driving fourteen knots. I lay on the bowsprit, facing astern, with the water foaming into spume under me, the masts with every sail white in the moonlight, towering high above me. I became drunk with the beauty and singing rhythm of it, and for a moment I lost myself - actually lost my life. I was set free! I dissolved in the sea, became white sails and flying spray, became beauty and rhythm, became moonlight and the ship and the high dim-starred sky! I belonged, without past or future, within peace and unity and a wild joy, to something greater than my own life, or the life of man, ... to life itself! To God, if you want to put it that way."

Soccer is No Fun if You Don't Play to Win!

You have heard me say that life is a play, that it is meant to be play, that one of my absolute goals in life is to have fun with my work, to turn everything into plaaaaaayy.

That does not mean that I don't take things seriously - nothing is less fun than playing a game where the other side doesn't take it seriously - does not try to win. There are things to absolutely take seriously in 'Play' and things to take lightly.

Look at the fans on the losing side of any of the World Cup games. You'd think life was over and that their entire self worth, as a person and as a nation, were dependent on winning.

Come on - it's only a game - that's the part that should not be taken seriously. Playing is real, it exists in the 'Now.' The outcome of the play (winning / losing) is in your head, is an interpretation that you attach importance to (or not if you really know how to play).

As an adult I really know how to play 'Chutes and Ladders', I can enjoy the game and not be attached to the result. My daughter, Michaela, 3 yrs old at the time, did not know how to play. The game was happiness or tears to her depending on how she was doing - up the ladder = smiles, laughs, giggles, Gooooood feeling. Down the chute = tears, sadness, sorrow - Baaaad feeling. Who enjoyed the game more? I think I did (except for not wanting my daughter to feel sad); my detachment allowed me to have fun without losing perspective.

What is fun is the thrill of the game - testing your skills against a worthy opponent. Why do Red Sox fans hate the Yankees and why do Yankees fans hate just about everyone? How much fun would a game be if the other team always really sucked? I think we should love our opponents for being good at what they do - it's a lot more fun for me if the game is really close.

The game of Life should be played no differently if you want to have fun living it. Take the playing seriously, take the result lightly; enjoy the villains and the obstacles because the game isn't real, at least the part we can see isn't real. The energy of playing is real, the energy behind what you do is real, --- the outward appearance is all smoke and mirrors.

Aaaand... Feeling is the energy behind what we do. Do you know that you can actually feel good about feeling bad? Next time you feel bad about something, no matter what the cause - actually screw the cause, the cause isn't even important except that it gives you the opportunity to feel - next time you find yourself feeling bad - Reeeeallly let yourself feel bad. Don't tell yourself that you shouldn't feel bad, or that there is anything wrong with feeling bad, or that you'd like to kill the person who 'makes' you feel bad, or that it is somebody's fault for how you feel, or anything other than really just giving yourself permision to feel deeply awful.

Go so deep with it that you even lose the concept of 'bad.' So deep that you are just feeling what you are feeling as pure energyy. So deep that you eventually come to a place of thanking the 'cause' of your feeling (person or situation) for the gift of giving you the opportunity to feel.