The Love Seat from my Ivan Ilych Post

Yes - It really exists!!!

Tolstoy's "The Death of Ivan Ilych"

I have just finished reading Tolstoy’s brilliant short story, “The Death of Ivan Ilych” and it occurs to me how ridiculous much of my life is, how unimportant most of it is; not in a depressing way, in a liberating way; not unimportant or ridiculous in what I do but rather in how I do it. It occurs to me, afresh, that it doesn’t really matter what I do; the only thing that matters is how I do it – do I do it with love (or other versions of ‘Love’ : Presence, play, Joy, attention)?

There are so many ways of NOT doing what I do with love that I am not really going to waste time trying to list them. I am either loving or doing something else that is not-love (worry, getting it out of the way, has to be done to earn the paycheck, nobody else will do it, expected of me, hate, ad infinitum).

On any occasion where I look death in the face, just as with Ivan Ilych, I think mental pain will be more severe than physical pain if I look back and realize that I have not loved enough. It is not just the big love either – mate, children, parents, friends; it is also in the tiny little moments of everyday life, the myriad ‘nows’ in which life happens where I can choose the ‘how’ of love over ‘hows’ that are not love.

Life is sooooo beautiful, magnificent and perfect; The great equalizer: How we do life matters and What life we do doesn’t matter. The “HaHaHa AHA!” of the suddenly enlightened student who has just been whacked on the head by the Zen master: Ditch digger, doctor, CEO, peon, investment banker, artist, Drill Baby Drill, environmental activist, rich, poor, Muslim, Jew, Christian….. HaHaHa! It’s all an illusion because it is all just made up from the fabric of “Now.’

No belief or activity or line of work is any better, more necessary, or more real than any other.

I have this truly ugly love seat that I bought on a whim from a consignment shop. The woven fabric of the love seat depicts a rustic country scene of farmhouses, roosters, apple trees, dogs frolicking, ducks swimming, and sheep grazing; all done in bright greens, whites, reds, browns, blues and gold. There is SO MUCH going on in that fabric.

One day I kneel on the cushions, get really close to the back of the love seat and I can follow an individual strand of the fabric as it runs its way from left to right all the way across the back. That strand passes through every one of those scenes, becoming each of the bright, contrasting colors. Right now even as I type I have set the laptop on the seat and I follow it through roof tiles, a white bunny, a red tulip, the green leaf of a tree, the bark of the same tree, a red apple, a white dog, a black dog, blue water, a white sheep, and then it repeats the pattern --- and it is the SAME THREAD. Of course every 16th of an inch the horizontal thread disappears behind another thread running vertically up the back of the seat - the warp and woof of existence. The picture is the illusion made by the dying and weaving of the fabric, the fabric is real.

Same with Life.

What we have in common is so much greater than what divides us; ummmm actually ☺ - we only have in common (the fabric) - what divides us is an illusion (the pictures). Really? OMG, the same thread passes through me AND Sarah Palin? And Osama Bin Laden? AND George Bush? And that mud puddle? And that blue sky? OMFG!

So what does Fabric have to do with Ivan Ilych?

To me, a life well lived consists of awareness of the fabric of life (Backstage) instead of being caught up in the pretty or ugly pictures created by that fabric. Awareness of the fabric gives me the freedom to enjoy the pictures, the beautiful as well as the ugly, and results in more moments of friskiness, beauty, passion, wild joy, love, Presence and Union.

Construction

This is our new studio in creation (Oops - Bottom to Top of course).

Been a loooong time arising:)

Sometimes I feel that I really should have been a builder or carpenter, I love working with my hands and I so love seeing something created by those hands - something physical and touchable created - arising out of the conjunction of raw materials, tools, physical labor and a dream. It seems to me to be creation in a nutshell. You have a thought/desire and gradually you bring it into manifestation. All you need are the proper tools, the material AND the know-how (or learn it while doing) to bring it about.

Meditation is Easy

As part of my daily meditation I do a Chi Kung practice known as "Standing Meditation." Although I have twice done the traditional 100 day practice of standing for an hour each day, and for years have done 30 minute daily practices (and for years done nothing too!), these days I do 10 minutes of standing.

Today this re-revelation revisited me: Meditation is actually very easy and enjoyable. It is only difficult when I think I am supposed to be experiencing something other than what is already going on; when I think I am supposed to be One with everything, or blissful, or peaceful, or transcendent, or the you-name-it high we meditators are always chasing.

However, when I just allow myself to sink into the Now, the Present Moment, and realize that there is absolutely NOTHING to 'get,' - EVER, that "IT" is always right here and available, because "IT" is the ONLY thing really going on anyway - EVER - well then, golly gee - meditation is so damn EASY; just a matter of paying attention and learning how to let go of distraction (Uh oh! "Learning how to let go of distraction" - See? Already there creeps into the Now, something that isn't there ('Learning' something). It can get really tricky - which is why so many monks end up forsaking their practice and even offing themselves.

Let's keep it simple - just sink into what is already going on - period. Simple - easy - enjoyable - AHhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The Purpose of T'ai Chi

OK, so now I have been practicing/playing T'ai Chi for 38 years. Wow. Time flies when one has fun. So I am coming in my mind to the deepest purpose of T'ai Chi - to feel good, to feel good in the way that Abraham Hicks talks about feeling good; feeling so good that you attract to you all the things you desire to have in your life.

You prepare, structure, arrange, clean up the vibration of your being-ness in such a way that you are in harmony with Source, or what I remember calling, even as long as 30 years ago, your "You." The ultimate purpose of practicing T'ai Chi is that is gives you a very practical, no-nonsense way of feeling good. This goes beyond health and healing although it certainly encompasses both. There is a literal "Thrill" that passes through my body over and over again as I play the form; (yes, "Play!" That is the literal translation of the Chinese word for "Doing" T'ai Chi. You are asked by the Chinese, "Do you play T'ai Chi?"). And the more 'Play' I put into my practice, the greater the Thrill I experience.

T'ai Chi works on a very deep level, touching, tickling, stroking and exercising the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual 'bodies' all at the same time. It often feels as powerful as making love in terms of the melting nature of the feeling while playing.

Very often, during T'ai Chi I will also have insights into the nature of the universe - as a matter of fact, most of my "Aha" spiritual experiences have come during T'ai Chi; the rest while high on some other more immediate, EZ and reliable a drug. T'ai Chi is free (after a while:) and a better friend than those other substances.

About practices (meditative or not) that progress to being able to do something that you can't initially do (yoga, T'ai Chi, Triathalons, 100 push-ups, etc): This is from my own experience of pushing myself to extremes and beyond in search of the effortless: Make it effortless the entire way! I still 'push' myself but only little pushes - once it starts to feel onerous I just stop - not worth it - if it doesn't feel good I don't do it - I do it up until it stops feeling good, then I go just a little bit further and stop. Each day I do the same thing and little by little I get up to my desired goal (Stand for an entire hour in one position, or whatever) effortlessly - I make the process effortless as well as the intended goal (1 hour); To me that is the only sane way of doing these things. whether yoga, t'ai chi, push-ups, bike riding, jogging, with ANYTHING that I am trying to increase my 'endurance.' All it takes is patience and allowing/letting go, and the result is achieved with a whole lot more pleasure, less ego, and not a whole lot more time.

I see people in yoga classes injuring themselves because they try to do what the teacher is effortlessly doing, even though the teacher tells them to take it at their own pace (Right!). Come on! I see the teacher with her foot wrapped around her neck and the guy next to me is doing it too, so naturally I am going to tear a muscle trying to get as close to the position as possible.

Not.

To push for the extreme as fast as possible means I am not being in the Now moment during the process and the end becomes more important than the feel-good of the process. I never could see much spiritual in spiritual practices where the goal is to achieve some seemingly impossible feat of strength, endurance, etc, but I pushed myself anyway.

I don't do that anymore. It is possible to learn as I age. The goal always seems to be able to do it effortlessly, so why not release the ego right away and make the process effortless and fun and feel-good.

My most valued spiritual-guide book has always been: "The Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment." Nothing else makes any sense to me since everything we need in order to wake up fully is always available to us right now and only right now - never in the future.

Now, rather than feeling as if I am lacking something when I see someone doing something I cannot yet do, I just appreciate their effortlessness. When I see someone struggling to do the same thing - I wince.

On Transparency, Power and Control

I haven't read Warren's Bennis' book on transparency yet but it seems right up my alley. My spiritual take on transparency is that as long as I am protecting any information, ANYTHIIIIIIIINNNNGGG about myself - that information has a certain power over me and binds me because I somehow fear other people finding out about it. The more transparent I am the more powerful I am. small hiding - small power loss; BIG hiding - BIG power drain.

It is all connected to vulnerability - the more vulnerable I am the more powerful I am because there is NOTHING for anybody else to grab onto to hold over my head as a threat. I cannot be controlled if I have nothing to hide. A group cannot be controlled if they have nothing hidden, an organization cannot be controlled if they are completely open. Information is power, well............ protected information is power ......... well, actually .... priviledged information is control.

This may sound Pie-in-the Sky and it IS! AAAANND the Pie and the Sky are real. This hiding stuff and organizational (any organization or company) game playing is just that - a game. A VERY fun game that I also LOVE playing, but I think the point of the game is to wake up from it - it becomes a much more fun game once it is only a game and I no longer take it so seriously.

In truth nothing is hidden anyway - all is transparency - I only think I am hiding stuff and so I blind/blind myself. I give away my power by hiding anything about who I am, what I think or believe, and how I have acted. I speak of personal power here, not power in terms of controlling someone else. Real power has no need to control. Only scared people need to control... OK so I am scared sometimes too - but I am working on it.

FREEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!! as short but powerful Mel Gibson says.